Not just is life affected by pain, it is also stricken by problems. Do you ever have days when your life seems beset by problems? Perform. Have you also noticed how on other days, precisely the same issues don’t seem like problems at all? In the same way that there is provoke find the positive out of your pain, there is also provoke celebrate problems. If you didn’t have any problems that you experienced, you would be stagnating. Sure choosing safe, but you would not be growing.
So, what should you do if you have problems in your life?
As amazing since it seems, problems only exist once you notice them, think about them or focus on them. Identifying a difficulty causes it to exist. Until that period there is no problem. The situation with having a problem is that we tend to focus upon it and in doing so, ignore the rest that is not the problem.
Once we find a problem, we expend a lot of energy on clearly defining and putting boundaries about the problem so that we know exactly where it is, what it is, how big it is and just why it is a problem for individuals. This is a wonderful academic exercise, but does little to help you find solutions, to find out beyond the problem or to understand why it arose in your own life and what you are supposed to learn or heal because of it.
While you remain focused on the problem, particularly if it is a big bad overwhelming problem, it is not easy for you to see into the space that is not the problem.
The biggest tips I can give in relation to problems in your lifetime are:
It is not helpful to immerse yourself inside the ‘drama’ of your problem. Doing so does not serve you. Exceed the drama and seek the learning outcome everything is presenting to you.
Every ‘problem’ exists that will help you gain an understanding of you or life. When you gain the understanding you can watch the problem melt away.
It is unhealthy to use your problems to get attention for yourself or to reinforce any victim or martyr pattern you run.
There are a number of different techniques you should use when you have a ‘problem’ in your lifetime to assist you to find solutions to or gain understandings concerning the problem.
1. Using Logic
You can use the following questions to support you in finding your way around problems that you experienced. Identifying the problem in some recoverable format and listing what you will be going to do about this can help you to see your way clear towards the solution on the other side with the problem. Taking the actions you have identified will help you to gain that which you have to learn from the problem.
Answer these questions with regards to the problem:
What is the problem?
How do you currently feel about the situation?
What is the outcome or goal that you will be seeking in relation to the issue?
What feelings will you have if you achieve this outcome or goal?
What hurdles or barriers are presently preventing you from the achievement on this goal?
What personal strengths are you experiencing that will assist you to achieve this outcome or goal?
What other resources would help you to achieve the outcome or goal?
What things would you try?
What actions do you want to take?
When will these actions be studied by?
How will you treat yourself when you achieve this outcome/goal?
2. Identifying The root Metaphor Or Message
Problems in your life are showing you issues to heal, i.e. everything you hoped to learn and overcome on this lifetime. Look at the problems in your own life and see if they contain messages or metaphors for you personally about which area you have ever had needs to be healed. Precisely what are they showing you? When you invest in the message, step up to the lesson and meet it go on. Be courageous and heal it completely. All problems are purely and just learning and growth opportunities.
I don’t underestimate the difficulty of performing what I have suggested in the paragraph. When I first started seeing life by doing this, what I am suggesting was obviously a difficult and often soul baring tactic to undertake. The more Used to it, however, the simpler it has become. I now view problems as puzzles for me to solve and heal. I intensify to each one knowing in advance that often I will not like what investigating the actual meaning behind the issue will show me about myself.
3. Treatment of Emotional Attachment
Madness or the lesson behind the challenge becomes so much easier to discern when you’re able to remove your emotional attachment on the situation (i.e. little one the drama). If you possibly could step back from the problem and examine it objectively, you will find it much easier to understand the reason for and the lesson to become gained from the problem. You will probably understand how it fits into the bigger scheme of your life.
4. Going to a Different Perspective About the Issue
This technique is especially effective for issues that involve other people. When other people are involved, it can be our lack of ability to see their perspective for the situation that led to the problem in the first place. Remember that other people in your life will often be either:
Reflecting messages to you about yourself; and/or
Assisting you to learn your lessons.
It is usually helpful to understand that people have a different perspective on a single situation.
For example, some time ago I was friends which has a newly married couple who had been experiencing difficulties. Recognized the husband rang me, said his wife was out and that he needed someone to talk to. I listened and was amazed at his perspective on a marriage that I, as an outsider, had seen very differently. The next week his wife rang, told me her husband was out for your night and she needed a person to talk to. Again I listened. Her check out the marriage was vastly distinctive from both her husband’s and mine. Actually, if had not known both of them, I would have sworn these folks were talking about different marriages.
In the same manner that the husband and wife saw their marriage through vastly different lenses, so too do most people in relationships (particularly difficult ones). If both sides could step outside themselves and their focus upon their particular wounds to walk a mile in the other person’s moccasins, the problem could often be quickly and harmoniously resolved.
It will help to resolve the problem in case you let go of the need to be right. It serves neither you nor each other. If the other person carries a need to be right, understand that is where they are on his or her journey and ignore it. You cannot heal others, only yourself. In healing yourself you will, however, open the way in which for them to heal themselves.
5. Thinking about Questions To Find Ways of Problems
An intense focus upon the challenge can often stop you from finding methods to the problem. Asking yourself questions based on the use of Cartesian logic may help you find your way to solutions. It’s also a fun technique to use with friends stuck inside a problem.
Cartesian logic contains four simple questions you can use with linguistics to help see beyond your problems and start to find solutions. Cartesian logic states that for a problem to prove true it must prove true in every four of the following quadrants (which we are going to replace with questions):
What wouldn’t happen if you did?
What would happen if you did?
What wouldn’t happen if you didn’t?
What would happen if you didn’t?
Mastering these four quick questions will enable you to think outside your problems towards the place where solutions is available.
For example, a lady located see me. Her problem linked to her wastrel husband and whether she should leave him. Gurus her the four questions from Cartesian logic the next:
What would happen if you left your husband?
What would happen if you didn’t leave your husband?
What wouldn’t happen in the event you left your husband?
What wouldn’t happen should you didn’t leave your husband?
By the time she had answered the questions she had found her solution.
It is tempting to rush in which help other people sort out their problems and provide them the benefit of all of your great wisdom as well as growth experience.
Listed below are my tips for helping other people:
Remember people can only be helped when they (not you) are prepared.
It is far better to help someone think of their own solution to a difficulty then it is for you to solve it for the children. They will have ‘ownership’ of the solution and become more willing to carry it out.
Some people thrive on playing the ‘yes but’ game with regards to their problems. This is game the person using the problem is guaranteed to win. It is best if you cease to experience the game as soon as you recognize it or stop it before it also starts.
An example of the ‘yes, but’ game:
Paul: We have this really big problem. It is a giant banana. (The game has begun).
Rebecca: Oh dear. I had created one of them once and i also found that apples were the result.
Paul: Yes, but that won’t work for me because… (He gets to do his first ‘yes, but’).
Rebecca: Oh. Well, I’ve also heard that carrot sticks will help.
Paul: Yes, however that won’t work for me because… (With the second ‘yes, but’ things are starting to hot up).
Rebecca: Oh. The only other suggestion We’ve is to use lettuce.
Paul: Yes, other folks have suggested that as well, but it won’t work for me because… (This is the third ‘yes, but’, he is nearly the winner).
Rebecca: Well that is the big problem. I don’t have any idea the best way to help you.
Ta da and Paul is now the winner of the ‘yes, but’ game as he has recently proved that he has a problem that is soooo big and soooo bad that no-one else will help him. Poor Paul, what a great way to get attention and remain stuck in the problem.
Anybody with the problem in the ‘yes but’ game isn’t seeking your assistance to solve the problem. They may be seeking confirmation that they have a problem that is just too large and so bad that no-one else might actually help them. They are seeking confirmation of the correctness of their decision to be stuck in the problem because it’s so bad it cannot be overcome. Playing the sport does not aid either you or them.